Us Vs Our Flawed Concept Of Love

We have all talked about it, stormed our brains to make sense out of it. 5 ways to know if he is into you, 7 things to look for in your partner and numerous other lists of do’s and don’ts regarding how to deal with love- we look for insights everywhere. We have various categories of love nowadays- the once in a lifetime love, the unrequited love, the rebound love, the casual love, the complicated love etc etc and we happily fail in as many we want, hoping for a better comeback next time!

I do not know what love is. I like to think that I have been in and out of love before but I can’t define what love actually is for me. Had I been in love before then I should have still been with that person (or shouldn’t I?). The needs and meaning of love for me have kept on changing over these years and I no longer know how do I differentiate between love, lust, flings, attraction, attachment and other myriad range of feelings that have become analogous to falling in love these days.

When I watch the previous generation, or my parents in that case, happily married and strong over the years, it really makes me wonder if we are the generation that started moving out of the conventional methods of love, by introducing in a more logical and calculative perspective; or are we the generation that gave up on love?

We belong to a generation that is largely distancing itself away from love. Amidst the daily chaos of guiding our lives in some direction (Which one? Most of us are not even sure of), finding the ‘ONE’ has become more of a game and trial and errors rather than investing in the ‘ONE’.

I do not want to generalize, I’ve friends with beautiful love stories, a lucky few even with a much deserved happy ending (Wait, how did they do it? What’s their secret?), but I have a greater number of friends with more complicated love stories, screwed up love life, dangling in a state of confusion for so many silly factors!

I love the idea behind P.S-I love you but I can also justify the concept of ‘situational’ infidelity sometimes. We have all been there- indulged in flings, witnessed extra marital, helped to sort out broken marriages, went through some pretty bitter breakups and involved in the rebound theory. How do we believe in the concept of love in an almost hostile environment for love?

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We absolutely adore the idea of falling in love, though we do not want to fall in love because we also dread the idea of falling out of love. We want commitment and relationships but we do not want to give the license to someone else to hurt us. We lend out a little bit of our time, ourselves, our fears and flaws and secrets and love out there for the world but we cave in behind our walls when the time comes for lending out everything. We dream of the perfect beautiful endings, but who is going to invest in the journey for that ending? We take pride in being called the emotionally unavailable one between the two since that defines maturity and emotional strength nowadays.

We drool on the idea of long romantic beach walks but beer dates and happy hours are a much preferred and safer option. Kissing goodbye is again our guarded way for letting things be, rather than kissing them goodnight. A long, deep, soul-stirring conversation is all I want, but whoa, let’s keep this slow. I like you, but not enough to settle down with you, but more than enough to want you everyday. We are a confused bunch and we play it safe. I do not want any heartbreaks, toil, efforts to be put into love, as if my knight in the shining armor would magically appear out of nowhere on that white horse, sweeping me off my foot!

Being vocal about your feelings isn’t a thing nowadays, as it makes you the vulnerable one. ‘Let us just go with the flow’ is a popular and again a low-risk move. We find a plethora of excuses to turn away when love comes knocking up at our doors. The time is never right, the feelings are not strong enough, the age is not right and what not.

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Everything has to be quick and perfect. We do not give time for love to blossom. We can’t settle in for something lesser than the idea of a perfection. There is always a whole lot of fish in the sea. The grass is always greener on the other side. Whatever happened to the idea of loving someone with the flaws and goodness? We always play this ‘catch-me-if-you-can’ since once the chase is over the interest scoots downwards exponentially. We often lose even after winning the chasing game. It is no longer falling in love for us, but more of a risk-calculated, well-planned move backed up with motives to jump together in love.

More than anything, this Gen Y is shit scared; scared of labeling- why brand us together when we have everything we need even without it; scared of letting someone in- let us end it before it gets too serious; scared of an uncertain future- I do not see us sharing our dreams together, let us call it off; scared of heartbreaks- most things fade away with time, what would happen if this happens to us as well; scared of everything that originally makes love aesthetic and magnificent in all its glory!

We do not know what love is and whatever we do know is a totally flawed concept. Forever is a long, long time and we really destroy the beauty of true love by assuming happy endings- forever! We crave to be loved but do not admit it. We weave this labyrinth of illusion around us that makes us believe that we do not want relationships, but deep, deep down, we know that we want it.

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23 thoughts on “Us Vs Our Flawed Concept Of Love

  1. M.J says:

    Tell me about it. Love is complicated. It equally shows the good and the flaws in others. We always focus on the fairy tale notion of love and then at the first sight of a flaw, we throw in the towel. Love is not only a feeling, it is a commitment.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Debashis Hira says:

    This just felt like the words incising right through the grey matter and deciphering the every flawed concept we have for this feeling called-“Love”. Hats off. Loved it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sugam Singh says:

    Was eagerly waiting for your next blog. This one came with a 5 star rating and I personally can’t deny with the ways illustrated in your content ..its fabulous , its wonderful ,its pinching to those who are still looking in scoopwhoop platform to find love of their lives..
    Last paragraph actually touched my heart ..I feel there is an enormous love life still left in all of us (after all those teenagers love).
    Its a lovely and amazing work by you..hats off

    Liked by 1 person

    • ayushi says:

      Thank you Sugam, I can only say keep reading! 😉
      And this was an easy piece to write, we all go through this and I only had to put words to these complicated feelings. Glad you could share my views. 🙂

      Like

  4. angelanoelauthor says:

    Sometimes I ask myself, “What if it was simple?” What if we just loved without restraint? What’s the worst that could happen? I didn’t tell my significant other I loved him until I was sure I could say it without expecting him to say it back. I loved him enough that him loving me didn’t matter. It wasn’t a transaction, it was a gift. I enjoyed your post. It offered me a chance to reflect on a day of love, and I have Susie to thank for sending me here. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • ayushi says:

      This is great Angela, you could discover your moment of love- that selfless giving!
      I keep asking myself how easy it were if we were all vocal and expressive and pretty much clear about our feelings and expectations. I wish we could Un-Complicate! But I guess that is the beauty of love; it is beautifully complicated! 🙂
      I have Susie to thank for some amazing reads as well, she is doing a great job there!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. StephJ says:

    Woah! You bring up some amazing points here. I think that labeling and vulnerability is a huge “issue” nowadays, especially where it seems gen y has was given little guidance from the more emotionally available baby boomer parenting generation. So many complexities, great piece!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. susielindau says:

    Being in love defies logic. Your heart wins over your brain every time. In my experience, you can’t live without the person and you’ll risk it all to be with the person.
    Look for someone you’re attracted to who shares your values and your sense of humor. You can’t force either and they’re imperative for the long haul. I’ve been married for 29 years! 30 in October. Neither of us can believe it! Ha!
    Thanks for bringing this Valentine post to the party!

    Liked by 2 people

    • ayushi says:

      Wow Susie, what better than words on love from someone who has been married for 30 longs years and still going strong! Cheers to this bond that you have and I can only say how lucky you are to have found The One! 🙂
      But love does not come easy these days, there is always some amount of complication that goes with it and I am ready to wait till I feel the way you did and still do.. 🙂

      Like

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