We have all talked about it, stormed our brains to make sense out of it. 5 ways to know if he is into you, 7 things to look for in your partner and numerous other lists of do’s and don’ts regarding how to deal with love- we look for insights everywhere. We have various categories of love nowadays- the once in a lifetime love, the unrequited love, the rebound love, the casual love, the complicated love etc etc and we happily fail in as many we want, hoping for a better comeback next time!
I do not know what love is. I like to think that I have been in and out of love before but I can’t define what love actually is for me. Had I been in love before then I should have still been with that person (or shouldn’t I?). The needs and meaning of love for me have kept on changing over these years and I no longer know how do I differentiate between love, lust, flings, attraction, attachment and other myriad range of feelings that have become analogous to falling in love these days.
When I watch the previous generation, or my parents in that case, happily married and strong over the years, it really makes me wonder if we are the generation that started moving out of the conventional methods of love, by introducing in a more logical and calculative perspective; or are we the generation that gave up on love?
We belong to a generation that is largely distancing itself away from love. Amidst the daily chaos of guiding our lives in some direction (Which one? Most of us are not even sure of), finding the ‘ONE’ has become more of a game and trial and errors rather than investing in the ‘ONE’.
I do not want to generalize, I’ve friends with beautiful love stories, a lucky few even with a much deserved happy ending (Wait, how did they do it? What’s their secret?), but I have a greater number of friends with more complicated love stories, screwed up love life, dangling in a state of confusion for so many silly factors!
I love the idea behind P.S-I love you but I can also justify the concept of ‘situational’ infidelity sometimes. We have all been there- indulged in flings, witnessed extra marital, helped to sort out broken marriages, went through some pretty bitter breakups and involved in the rebound theory. How do we believe in the concept of love in an almost hostile environment for love?
We absolutely adore the idea of falling in love, though we do not want to fall in love because we also dread the idea of falling out of love. We want commitment and relationships but we do not want to give the license to someone else to hurt us. We lend out a little bit of our time, ourselves, our fears and flaws and secrets and love out there for the world but we cave in behind our walls when the time comes for lending out everything. We dream of the perfect beautiful endings, but who is going to invest in the journey for that ending? We take pride in being called the emotionally unavailable one between the two since that defines maturity and emotional strength nowadays.
We drool on the idea of long romantic beach walks but beer dates and happy hours are a much preferred and safer option. Kissing goodbye is again our guarded way for letting things be, rather than kissing them goodnight. A long, deep, soul-stirring conversation is all I want, but whoa, let’s keep this slow. I like you, but not enough to settle down with you, but more than enough to want you everyday. We are a confused bunch and we play it safe. I do not want any heartbreaks, toil, efforts to be put into love, as if my knight in the shining armor would magically appear out of nowhere on that white horse, sweeping me off my foot!
Being vocal about your feelings isn’t a thing nowadays, as it makes you the vulnerable one. ‘Let us just go with the flow’ is a popular and again a low-risk move. We find a plethora of excuses to turn away when love comes knocking up at our doors. The time is never right, the feelings are not strong enough, the age is not right and what not.
Everything has to be quick and perfect. We do not give time for love to blossom. We can’t settle in for something lesser than the idea of a perfection. There is always a whole lot of fish in the sea. The grass is always greener on the other side. Whatever happened to the idea of loving someone with the flaws and goodness? We always play this ‘catch-me-if-you-can’ since once the chase is over the interest scoots downwards exponentially. We often lose even after winning the chasing game. It is no longer falling in love for us, but more of a risk-calculated, well-planned move backed up with motives to jump together in love.
More than anything, this Gen Y is shit scared; scared of labeling- why brand us together when we have everything we need even without it; scared of letting someone in- let us end it before it gets too serious; scared of an uncertain future- I do not see us sharing our dreams together, let us call it off; scared of heartbreaks- most things fade away with time, what would happen if this happens to us as well; scared of everything that originally makes love aesthetic and magnificent in all its glory!
We do not know what love is and whatever we do know is a totally flawed concept. Forever is a long, long time and we really destroy the beauty of true love by assuming happy endings- forever! We crave to be loved but do not admit it. We weave this labyrinth of illusion around us that makes us believe that we do not want relationships, but deep, deep down, we know that we want it.